A certain admiration for outright vulgarity

A Canadian commentator at garden rants directs us to this amusing article on garden snobbery in the Telegraph. One can only imagine the King of the Chavs' garden.

Instead of pontificating ponderously on taste, I pose a question. What tree should I plant in front of my house? The redbud's untimely demise allowed me to rethink the problem. The considerations:

• small: 15-25 feet is ideal
• evergreen: the theory is to screen the street

Disease resistance and drought tolerance are both desireable. Conifers not so much. I'm actually considering a palm, because I can. My favorites all tend to be too big, though (no fan palms). I'm not quite ballsy enough for Aloe dichotoma. Nominations?

Update: Thanks for your help. Anyway, I've just been informed that we want something deciduous, if that changes anything. I fear fireblight on Rosaceae though, which limits some of the more obvious options. What about Magnolia x soulangeana? Amazing flowers, but the leaves are kind of ugly, no?